mummy is always tired

The gremlin in our house

Every time I pick up our youngest from nursery, I am confused. I am confused because the behaviour of the child they sign out is not the one I remember signing in.

Each day I am told our youngest is ‘so helpful’ and ‘delightful’. Clearly something is happening between 4.30 and 5pm that turns this angel child into a monster. Perhaps it’s like the whole Mogwai thing where if you feed them after midnight they turn into gremlins.

I’m not suggesting for a minute that I stop feeding her (although I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or smack someone when I was told how tall our youngest was getting and how she was ‘thinning out’ – are you saying my child is fat? Are you?) But there’s clearly something happening in that half hour that brings out the gremlin in her.

The most annoying thing about the gremlin is the sudden inability to take itself to the toilet – because when you become a gremlin you lose the use of your hands and cannot put the light on/put the toilet seat up/down or get onto the seat by yourself. Bear in mind that this gremlin has been toilet trained for nearly a year and has had no problems up until now.

This has caused us problems – not least because I am stubborn. Sadly our youngest is also stubborn and when two stubborn heads collide, what do you get? In this case – a big puddle of wee.

There was one particularly trying day when after we both dug our heels in she just stood there and let the floodgates (literally) open and emptied the entire contents of her bladder. I’d had enough. I sought sanctuary in the kitchen leaving her in a puddle of pee.

Of course when you are three and you have wet yourself and no one is giving you the attention you think you deserve you get even angrier. And with great anger comes great crying. Crying leads to hysteria, hysteria leads to…vomiting – my favourite.

So not only do I have a urine soaked carpet and little footprints of wee trailing across the house, I now have great pools of sick to sort out. Great – was not the word that sprung to mind. To top it all off and due to a mighty error of judgement by the previous owners our downstairs loo is carpeted – of course – it had to be. So now our downstairs toilet now smells like a neglected public facility of dubious cleanliness.

I have no resolution, no trite little ending other than I don’t need to turn on all the lights and check all the cupboards or under the beds – I know we have a gremlin in our house and it’s monstrous.


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